LIST 1: COMMANDS TO MYSELF

This collection of personal exhortations is an attempt at self-programming. It began with the Speak-out-o-mobile art car, which was exhausting in its demand for aphorisms. This list is more personal, exposing me for the cheap and agonizing guy I am.

Avoid having the same conversation over and over.

Don’t ride the clutch.

Actually listen instead of just trying to look attentive.

Give a problem the amount of time it deserves. Not less, not more.

Respond just substantively enough.

Don’t reflexively apologize.

Forget how badly you dance.

Don’t read the comments.

Draw every week.

Walk there if you can.

Approach misunderstandings from a position of empathy.

Remember to remember people’s names.

Share your opinions respectfully.

Go to the party.

Don’t create unnecessary waste.

Don’t relive old embarrassments.

Ask for what you want.

Wait for signs of failure before you despair.

Eat sitting down.

Don’t try to solve other people’s problems (unless they ask you to).

Error on the side of generosity.

Always have reading material on hand.

Stop for pedestrians and cyclists.

Weigh the risks and benefits of complaining.

Stop at two cups of coffee.

Carry mints.

First, consume what you’ve got.

Lift with your knees.

Floss enough.

When you’re winning, don’t be a jerk (unless it’s against Kev or Witt).

Call your grandparents.

Replace the gas cap.

Lock up.

Don’t assume anything about people’s backgrounds.

Recognize your privilege.

Get off the internet.

Don’t state the obvious.

Remember the tenacity of parking meter attendants and plug accordingly.

Be inert once in a while.

Bring your lunch.

Plan to use affiliated ATMs.

Find reasons to talk to strangers.

Bring a beverage.

Don’t take goodwill for granted.

Refrain from professional criticism.

— TO BE CONTINUED–

LIST 2: BAND NAMES
My talent for naming bands far outstrips my musical ability, which is a fair boast even if you hate my names.

The Overnight Lows
0% Juice
Gregorian Rants
Bronco and the Formative Weirdness
Too Shabby
Dads With Earrings
UNITWEEN
Nonagon
Camel & The Wind
Mr. Mystery Metal
Hombres Only
TV Tag
Almost Actually
Space Rain
Kwanzaa On Codeine
The Trots
Young Wives
Menvy
Horse Camp
Baby’s Keys
Scene of One
Secret Fun
The Wet Spots
Comforting Myths
The Blind
Icing
The Slights
Vast Scab
Bujeesus
The Dardanelles
IOTA
Chunk Style
Snack Cracker
Wasp Honey
Bloodmobile
Cream of Meat
Phonographic Memory
The Flagless Poles
Muggins
Dried Alumni
The Loose Restraints
The Nits
Vegan Safari
Scumbellina

– + – + – + – + – + – + – +

LIST 3: AWESOME AND AVAILABLE URLS
ON HOLD (some stuff’s too good to give away)

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